just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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