So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
