I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drunk is a universal language darling
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
