Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
