i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
