As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
