he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
