Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
