im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
