sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
