Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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