OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
