you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
