i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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