escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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