i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
