Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
