i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
