That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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