I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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