it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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