Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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