just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
