did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
