how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
