I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
