that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
