I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
