Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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