ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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