How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
