suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
