its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
