I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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