Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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