If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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