he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to calm my uterus...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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