Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
