I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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