Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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