Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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