and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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