My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't notice because vodka
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
