So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
