Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
