i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
