There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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