loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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