yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
