I'm gonna have a badass scar
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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