I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
