you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
