First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is my gift to your gina
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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