She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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