Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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