Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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