Cold hands, warm shart.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
